MOOLAH.asia

Money Joke: Drinking By Himself

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:59:36 +0000

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.

Approaching the friend he comments, “You look terrible. What’s the problem?”

“My mother died in August,” he said, “and left me $25,000.”

“Gee, that’s tough,” he replied.

“Then in September,” the friend continued, “My father died, leaving me $90,000.”

“Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you’re depressed.”

“And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000.”

“Three close family members lost in three months? How sad.”

“Then this month,” continued, the friend, “absolutely nothing!”

Money Joke: Not Your Usual Stock Report

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:45:30 +0000

Helium was up. Feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued a slow decline. Light switches were off. Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged. Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. Balloon prices were inflated. And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.

Money Joke: The Two Dollar Bills

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:44:42 +0000

When the U.S. Mint reissued two-dollar bills, I thought they might someday become collectors’ items. I went to the bank and picked up a hundred, serially numbered and still in their original band.

On my next trip to my parents’ house, I gave the $200 to my mother and said, “Take good care of these. They might be worth something someday.”

Several months later I asked Mom if she was keeping the two-dollar bills safe. “Oh, yes!” she replied. “I deposited them in the bank the day after you left.”

Money Joke: The Most Important Discoveries

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:31:13 +0000

Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.

Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up.

Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.

Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.

Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage.

Man discovered woman, invented sex.
Woman discovered sex, invented headache.

Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man has never recovered.

Money Joke: Donkey Raffle

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:29:35 +0000

A Cajun named Jean Paul moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer rove up and said, “Sorry, but I got some bad news. The donkey died.”

“Well then, just give me my money back.”

“Cain’t do that. I went and spent it already.”

“OK then, just unload the donkey.”

“What ya gonna do with em.”

“I’m gonna raffle him off.”

“Ya cain’t raffle off a dead donkey!”

“Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anyone he’s dead.”

A month later the farmer met up with the Cajun and asked, “What happened with the dead donkey?”

“I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2.00 apiece and made a profit of $898.00.”

“Didn’t no one complain?”

“Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $2.00 back.”

Money Joke: My Husband Is A Millionaire

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:27:46 +0000

A woman proudly told her friend, “I’m responsible for making my husband a millionaire.”

“Well what was he before he married you?” the friend asked.

“A billionaire.”

Money Joke: A Letter From A College Student

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:26:12 +0000

The parents of a Northwestern student who just headed back from holiday received this letter:

Dear Mom and Dad:

Univer$ity life i$ $o wonderful! Cla$$e$ this $e$$ion are intere$ting, my cla$$mate$ are the be$t!

But after $pending all my ca$h on Chri$tma$ pre$ent$, I am in a little need for $ome $pending money for book$ and $uch. But don’t want to $end the wrong $ignal$ home.

Love
Your $on

After deliberating a while, this was the draft of their appropriate response:

Dear Son:

NOt much to NOtice here on the NOrth side of town since you left for NOrthwestern. NObody doing NOthing Noble.

Enjoyed having you home for Thanksgiving in NOvember and Christmas. NOthing is the same since you left.

Loved your NOte; write aNOther one when you have time.

Have to go NOw.

Mom & Dad

Money Joke: Goodbye Mother

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:23:08 +0000

Walking through a supermarket, a young man noticed an old lady following him around. He ignored her for a while, but when he got to the checkout line, she got in front of him.

“Pardon me,” she said. “I’m sorry if I’ve been staring, but you look just like me son who died recently.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” the young man replied. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

“Well, as I’m leaving, could you just say ‘Goodbye, mother!?’ It would make me feel so much better.” She gave him a sweet smile.

“Of course I can,” the young man promised.

As she gathered her bags and left, he called out “Goodbye, mother!” just as she had requested, feeling good about her smile.

Stepping up to the counter, he saw that his total was about $100 higher than it should be. “That amount is wrong,” he said. “I only have a few items!”

“Oh, your mother said that you would pay for her,” explained the clerk.

Money Joke: I Need Two Hundred Dollars

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:21:28 +0000

A young man was having some money problems, and needed $200 to get his car fixed and road-worthy again. But had run out of people to borrow from. So, he calls his parents via the operator, and reverses the charge and says to his dad, “I need to borrow two hundred dollars.”

At the other end, his father says, “Sorry, I can’t hear you, son, I think there may be a bad line.”

The boy shouts, “Two hundred. I need two hundred dollars!”

“Sorry, I still can’t hear you clearly,” says his father.

The operator cuts in, “Sorry to butt in, but I can hear him perfectly.”

The father says, “Oh, good. YOU send him the money!”

Money Joke: The Song That Made Them Stand

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:19:53 +0000

A minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.

Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.

“Here’s a copy of the service,” he said impatiently. “But you’ll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances.”

During the service, the minister paused and said, “Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up.”

At that moment, the substitute organist played “The National Anthem.”